Nearly 6 month review

My plan when I started this adventure was to set an intention (find my work) and see what happened in the space I created.  To avoid too scary a void and in a spirit of exploration I embarked on a number of different strands that interested me.  What actually happened is that I filled my time, albeit with much more rewarding activity, almost as much as when I was in a job I hated.  And that sense of being open to possibility and exploring slowly started to fade away and the 'what is my work?' question kept creeping back.  The idea that we each have a vocation if only we can discover it is incredibly appealing.  Chasing it doesn't work.  I've tried (too hard, no doubt) a lot of different approaches to find the answer.  None of them have worked in any meaningful way.  So it's back to my original plan.  Stop trying so hard.  Relax - the hardest of all, and the most necessary to open and receive.


I've recently discovered the work of David Whyte.  He talks about developing a relationship, a conversation, with the unknown.  I find this really helpful.  To understand that all will not reveal itself fully formed but that we need to allow for the unknown and proceed anyway, trying to take that first small step, close in, to continue the conversation.       

START CLOSE IN (by David Whyte)

Start close in,
don't take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step
you don't want to take.

Start with
the ground
you know,
the pale ground
beneath your feet,
your own
way of starting
the conversation.

Start with your own
question,
give up on other
people's questions,
don't let them
smother something
simple.

To find
another's voice,
follow
your own voice,
wait until
that voice
becomes a
private ear
listening
to another.

Start right now
take a small step
you can call your own
don't follow
someone else's
heroics, be humble
and focused,
start close in,
don't mistake
that other
for your own.

Start close in,
don't take
the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step
you don't want to take.

David Whyte