Sunday, 29 May 2011

Envy, projection (and crushes)

Envy is useful because it tells me, when I have the wit to notice, what I am longing for and what I want.  I've noticed in recent months a tendency to over admire a certain type of person.  These people are usually teachers or facilitators of some kind with a particular heartfelt skill at the centre of it.  Sometimes they write books, sometimes they give talks and workshops.  Sometimes I find the cute male ones attractive.  I over imbue them with the qualities I want for myself - compassion, social ease, ferocious skill and competence, knowing what they want in life (ha!) and success.

Unpicking recent crushes (and the reverse, people I find myself criticising) it seems that what I want is:

- to impart knowledge
- to express myself
- to write
- to speak/present
- to travel
- to be respected in my field

And for all of this to bring me a degree of financial and emotional security.

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